Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Giant inflatable lawn ornaments....

Tis the season for twinkling lights strung carefully along rooflines, down pillars, over hedges and around tree trunks...I'll accept holiday lighting as a custom of the season - beginning years ago with the really big bulbs, now morphed into neighbor out-does-neighbor, war of the cul-de-sac where the winners spin their electric meters the fastest.

In the last few years though I've observed a frightening trend...instead of silhouetted reindeer (moderately tacky), plastic manger scenes (observant but tacky) or giant plastic foot soldiers from the nutcracker (don't get me started) the new "thing" to install on your December lawn in order to show how "christmasy" you feel (and thus want to push down your neighbor's throat) are giant inflatable snowmen, snow globes, santas, reindeer or - the worst so far - a giant inflatable nativity scene - 8' tall with optional inflatable wisemen. (sigh)

You too can have your own GIANT INFLATABLE JESUSThe commercialism of Christmas is one thing - not that I am a deeply religious person because I'm not, but I am completely flummoxed that someone with a moderate amount of decorum, intelligence and common sense would go out to a retail outlet, walk down the aisles and actually spend money for a big plastic pool toy. Then - oh then it gets better. Those people pack their cars, drive home to their raised ranches, capes, colonials, etc and think to themselves - "hey, you know what would really make my house look great? That giant inflatable snowman I just bought at WalMart for $9.99!!!". So they inflate Frosty, stake him to the ground and step back to admire their creation...what a look! What a fantastic conversation piece! What a tribute to their own Christmas spirit. Wow, you know what Frosty really needs (besides a run-in with a nail gun of course)? Frosty needs a friend - how about we go back to WalMart and purchase the giant inflatable Santa wearing Mickey Mouse ears too! Now one hideous lawn ornament isn't enough - we must have three, four - FIVE of these damn things.

If these abominations were limited to Christmas I think I might not mind them so much - but it's not just Christmas. There are ghosts, scarecrows (what ever happened to making them with old clothes and straw or newspaper?), witches, goblins, etc for halloween, giant inflatable hearts for valentine's day, inflatable Turkeys, leprechauns, and who could forget Uncle Sam for the 4th of July...I even saw one 10-15foot tall inflatable Iwo Jima flag raising inflatable for memorial day...Oh - it so gets worse...

So remember, the next time you think Christmas - think inflatable. It's what all the cool kids are blowing up for Christmas this year.

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