Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dreams from the past.

I don't remember many of my dreams, maybe it's because I wake up so many times during the night, I feel like I don't hit my REM sleep until the early morning. My dream this morning was so real, so fresh so vivid. I found myself in Scotland - a place I've never been and a place that I would never expect to find a familiar soul. I found myself in a marketplace that was less Scottish and more Arabian, I can't describe the atmosphere other than it was peaceful, the crowd seemed to be intent on their own missons as though they didn't expect foreigners or tourists. I was shopping for a gift for my grandmother of all things I was looking for a rug template, Nana enjoys knotting and latching large wool rugs and has been looking for a particularly large kit. As I was leafing through burlap canvases I looked up and saw his eyes. Oh my god - those eyes. His eyes always got me, blue and deep I always felt like I could see into his soul and likewise he could see into mine. Then there was another woman in my dream - exotic, beautiful, she was brilliant - you could tell. Curly dark locks and those Italian green eyes that little girls wish for their entire lives - this was the kind of girl he'd go for. But his eyes met mine and stayed there - There was the embrace of old friends long separated by time and life. It was warm, it was comfortable, it was safe and I never wanted to let go. As the alarm pulled me from his arms I could still feel the closeness - the strength in his arms around me.

So what does that mean? I don't honestly know. I was tempted to pick up the phone and call him tonight - just to see how he's doing. He's a million miles away not just geographically. He's probably married with children of his own by now. We had fallen apart long before we stopped talking to each other or got involved with other people. Lives diverged, we both took the high road in opposite directions. So what does it mean that I had this amazing dream where everything was great - and I thought life was good before. I can't help but feel a little empty right now. Is this a sign to go forward or to go back? Time is a wicked captor sometimes.

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